By the Book Page 10

  “Interesting that you didn’t object to that.”

  I took a deep breath. “What am I supposed to tell her?”

  “Tell her we discussed it. Tell her I said no. Tell her I said yes, but with conditions.”

  “Fuck.” I turned away, covered my face with both hands.

  “Come on; would she really object?”

  “To seeing her boyfriend getting fucked by another man?” I spun round to face him again, surprised at my tone of voice.

  “Well.” He shrugged. “I wouldn’t go that far, but…” He grinned, showing his dimples. “I know you want to fuck me.”

  “Look, I have to go.” I took one step toward the door, then faltered. “Just forget I ever came here tonight.”

  “That’s impossible.”

  Daniel followed as I finally gathered the presence of mind to head down the hall and grab my jacket. I didn’t want him to think I was walking out on him, merely trying to deal with my own confusion, but had no idea how to put it into words.

  “She’s been with other men. I’ve been with other women. That’s it. That’s how it’s always been. We’ve never…” And I thought back to the threesome with Georgia and Sarah. Other times we’d played. And those times had been in the presence of the other person. Maybe Georgia would allow it if she was there. But if she didn’t want to see me and…?

  “Reece?” Daniel laid a hand on my shoulder after I’d pulled my jacket on, and I jumped.

  “Nothing. Never mind. I have to go.”

  “Hmm. Well, maybe you do. But listen…”

  I couldn’t wait to get out of there and didn’t want to leave. Nevertheless, I looked him in the eye one last time before I turned tail and fled.

  “Whatever you decide to say to Georgia, however you decide to play it…”

  “Yes?”

  “You know where to find me.”

  Chapter Eight

  I arrived back home misted with perspiration and shrouded with confusion. I kept asking myself what the hell just happened over and over again but came up with nothing beyond he kissed me. Daniel kissed me.

  Overly simplistic, of course, but the truth. Still, it did nothing to tackle the subtext I knew was there. My confusion came from not knowing where it had originated, this attraction to another man, and a reluctance to nudge at the subject too hard. Like poking a sore tooth just enough to check that it still hurt, I edged around Daniel in my mind and tried to think of other things when the truth got to be more than I could bear.

  Nervous energy made me shiver as I stepped back indoors and hung my jacket up. It certainly wasn’t cold except for the telltale ripple running up and down my spine. Guilt? Perhaps. It wasn’t like I’d done anything terrible. Just allowed myself to be kissed by another man.

  I thought of Georgia. Considered the possibility I should have pushed Daniel away. But I hadn’t wanted to. I’d been curious, and once that curiosity had been sated, I’d wanted to carry on kissing—being kissed—by him.

  “Shower. Have a shower, Hutton.” If I gave myself instructions, I’d be able to get through a simple evening routine without too much trouble. Shower, hot drink, brush teeth, sleep. In theory.

  Within seconds the warm water—not too hot—had washed away the sheen of perspiration over my body but did nothing to cleanse my imagination of all sorts of images I shouldn’t have been picturing. Every time I thought of Daniel’s lower lip in the instant before he kissed me, I shuddered, told myself that wasn’t what Georgia had wanted. She’d wanted me to persuade Daniel, not seduce him.

  “Oh God.” Above the sound of running water, my words echoed around the bathroom. Daniel would only get involved if I was…willing.

  And I was. I was. I was.

  How was I going to tell Georgia? Should I?

  Of course I had to. She wasn’t stupid. She’d know something was up. She was bound to ask what Daniel had said, what his reaction had been.

  He was willing. All too willing. But it was me he wanted, and I couldn’t stop myself wanting him.

  “Fuck.” A profanity, but murmured rather than thrown out into the world, as if trying to keep my confusion to myself for just a little while longer. And I braced myself against the tiled wall, let the water run over my hair, down my back.

  “First things first, Reece. Georgia.” I barely heard myself speak, but that was all right. I knew what I was thinking. Of Daniel mostly. And he refused to stand aside so I could plan what to say to Georgia.

  I’d been naked in bed with other men before. Always with Georgia dividing us, but now? Things were different. For five minutes, an hour, an eternity, however long that kiss had lasted, there had been no one else between us. Not another woman or man or even a breath of air. And given how hard I’d been, it was real.

  Given how hard I was now, it was no passing fancy. Even curious wasn’t a big enough word to describe what I felt. Daniel wanted me, and I had to have him. It was that simple.

  “Oh God.” One forearm pressed against the wall at head height, I leaned in, touched my forehead to the back of my hand, and gasped. I screwed my eyes shut as if that would be any help, but not being able to see what I was doing didn’t change the fact that I had my hand on my cock and an image of Daniel on the back of my eyelids. He wasn’t going anywhere until this was done.

  I’d known from the moment he’d come inside my girlfriend and looked at me, not her. Maybe not known. Suspected? Hoped? Played with the idea of messing around with him?

  I hissed in a sharp breath as my hand tightened. Fought against the image of dark hair where there should have been blonde. Dark eyes where there should have been blue. A muscular, tattooed back, rippling with barely restrained energy where there should have been untainted skin, a slender waist, rounded hips.

  Daniel’s hips. I knew what they were capable of. I’d seen them in action as he fucked the hell out of—

  “Jesus.” I stroked my cock faster, a little tighter, still not wanting to look at myself. I just. Couldn’t. Help it. Whatever the proper name for this was, right or wrong, I wanted Daniel. Right or wrong, frightening thought it was, guilt-ridden though I was, I wanted him. At the very least, I wished it was his hand grasping my cock, tightening with every stroke, making my breath hitch every time it sped up.

  She’ll let me. She has to.

  Jesus, Daniel, you don’t know what you started tonight.

  I’ve watched her with other women. It’s only fair.

  What difference did it make that I was a man and Daniel was a man?

  Daniel.

  Only when my chest tightened did I realize it was through lack of breath, through having used the last wisp of air in my lungs to say his name out loud.

  And the only way to breathe again, to clear my head, to enable myself to fucking think, was to make myself come and yes, yes, yes, wish it was Daniel’s hand on my cock, tightening at just the right moment, in just the right place, to make my eyes water.

  “Fuck.” A whisper this time, barely audible above the running water.

  I couldn’t not think of him. There was no need to fantasize about Georgia, or so I told myself at least. I’d had her enough times to know what the reality felt and tasted like. Daniel was the curiosity. Daniel was the one I wanted to know.

  I think I whimpered when I was a few strokes away from release, or cried out, but the only way I could continue was by biting my lip and keeping as quiet as possible. No one saw the images in my head, and there was no one else around to hear me, but I wanted to keep this to myself. Entirely to myself. It was less incriminating that way.

  If he’d been a guy I knew at work, at the local pub, on the street, fine. But I’d seen him naked. I’d seen his shoulder muscles ripple with exertion and—

  Oh God. My knees buckled.

  —his hips twisted when he pushed even deeper into—

  I clenched my hand against the wall and murmured something when I came. A swear word. A prayer. Daniel’s name. Possibly all three. And when I regai
ned the power to think, to breathe, I told myself it was only the shower that made me feel as if my eyes were watering.

  * * *

  Oh, the irony, Hutton.

  I paused at the foot-high wall bordering the church lawns for a moment before speeding on. Not eager to get into this, I wanted it over with.

  A church.

  St. Joseph’s was a place of worship that appeared to have been planted in the city center, out of place, out of time, and out of context. In actuality it had been here first, and its steeple gasped for air, forced to even greater heights than its architect intended by the choke hold of a neighboring mall, a nearby department store, by people.

  There was no cemetery here, hence the looming presence of the Meadowwells Shopping Center and Pearson’s Department Store. No remnants of bygone generations due any sort of reverence. Nothing hallowed bar the church itself and, I supposed, by extension the greenery that ringed it. Flat strips of clipped turf protecting God’s house from commerce and concrete.

  Students from the local university—also named St. Joseph’s—dotted the grass here and there, seeking shade under the trees that thrived on church grounds. Georgia and I often met up for lunch here on hot days and when our schedules allowed, and I sought her out among the denim-clad, hungover, and deadline-fearing.

  Like a rose among thorns, I thought, catching her eye. She’d bagged our usual bench by the church building itself, and I vaulted over the barely there border wall to greet her. My heart had leaped when I’d picked out her tight pink blouse and dark blue skirt, either from excitement or guilt. The balance was tipped in favor of the latter.

  “Hey. Hungry? I got salmon and cucumber or—” Georgia tilted her head for a kiss, which I gave, and resumed rummaging in a carrier bag.

  “Nah, not in the mood,” I confessed. My stomach flipped over. The thought of food made me ill.

  “Drink?”

  “What have you got?” I hoped she’d say an unopened bottle of Jack Daniel’s, knew she wouldn’t.

  “Water or Coke.”

  “Coke, thanks.” It would have to do. “What time do you have to be back?”

  “I’ve got another half an hour yet. Jill’s off sick today so I’m doing the work of two, but if they think I’m cutting short my lunch hour, they can get fucked. Here.” Georgia handed me the bottle of Coke without meeting my eyes, and I wondered if that was a sign of something. Oh you’re there, you’re there. I know you’ll always be there.

  I slugged back a mouthful, wishing it was several degrees cooler and a hell of a lot stronger. “Christ, I needed that,” I muttered, looking away from her into the middle distance. She was attractive—oh hell yeah, was she ever—but…

  But Daniel.

  “How did it go?” In four easy syllables, Georgia’s voice broke through the wall my conscience was trying to build. “With Daniel, I mean,” she added.

  “Oh.” I rolled my shoulders, less to shrug, more to unknot them. “You know.”

  “No.” She nudged me, and there was a smirk in her voice, possibly on her face too. “That’s why I’m asking.” She gave a light, tinkling laugh. “So?”

  “We discussed it.” I watched my fingers pick at the label on the bottle. “He was open.”

  “Really?” Her word was long, drawn-out, breathy. An exhalation of relief, I wagered. “It was that easy?”

  “Well, you know Daniel.” I shrugged and at last managed to look at her. “He’s a slut.”

  “An adventurous one though.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded, lips drawn tight against anything incriminating I might want to say. No, need to say. And I looked away again. I could watch her. I could speak. Not both at the same time. With any luck, Georgia would take my inability to look her in the eyes for nerves, although I’d find it difficult to explain why I was nervous about discussing a threesome with my girlfriend and a guy I’d already seen naked. A guy who’d—“Well, I…”

  “Come on.” She swatted me on the leg. I flinched as if she’d stabbed me. “Details, details.”

  Running a finger round my collar, I sat up straight, still not looking her in the eye, trying desperately to recall any words exchanged with Daniel so I could give her that at least. “He, uh, yeah, he’s, you know…” The roll of my shoulders this time was less of a shrug, more of a hunch.

  “Reece Hutton, are you blushing?”

  “It was awkward. Him being bi. You know. I mean…”

  “Come on, Reece. After the shit we’ve got up to together, you can’t tell me you’re unsettled by his sexuality. You’ve seen him naked.”

  “Yes. I know. Thank you.” My eyes darted back and forth. No one had overheard, I suspected. Do I tell you, do I tell you, do I tell you? “It was the weirdest damn conversation of my life. Seeking out another man to ask…oh hell, it’s not like…” Leaning on the arm of the bench, I covered my eyes with my free hand. “It’s not like we hadn’t put the proposition to him before.”

  “What’s the difference now?” Her voice, dripping with concern, betrayed the frown that doubtless furrowed her brow. “What happened? Did you have an argument? It’s you, isn’t it? You don’t want to go again?”

  “No, it’s not that.”

  “You do? I mean, you don’t mind? Is it because it’s the same guy? You’re worried about me getting attached, aren’t you? Well hey, you needn’t worry about that happening. It’s you I’m with. Daniel, that’s just a bit of fun. But you have to admit he’s good at what he does.”

  “Yes.” I heard myself cut in as if it was someone else speaking. “I know.” Lifting my head, I let my fingers drag at my skin, almost clawing with my short nails. Anything to distract me from the tension arcing from Georgia’s body to mine. A light afternoon breeze ruffled my hair, and I shivered. Or shuddered. One of the two. “He’s good at…” I took a deep breath. “He’s commanding. Confident. And he’s…” I feel sick, I feel sick, I feel sick. “Twisting things. No, that’s not right. Putting a new spin on things.”

  “Reece, you’re starting to worry me now. What’s going on? A new spin?”

  “Georgia, before I say anything, I just want you to know, I didn’t see this coming.” Liar. “He, I mean Daniel…”

  She lifted both exquisitely arched brows, silently bidding I continue.

  “Had a suggestion. Well, more of a…a…” My throat clogged with nerves, and I had trouble swallowing them back. “Condition. Ish. Sort of.”

  “Reece.” Georgia inclined her head. “You’re making very little sense.”

  “He, um…” I continued to pick at the label on my bottle, technically littering the churchyard with each minuscule piece of paper dropped, but caring not a bit. Given the nature of our conversation, I thought Georgia and God—in that order of priority—might have worse things with which to concern themselves. “He’s bi.”

  “Yes. I know.”

  “And he’s seen me naked,” I murmured.

  “Yes. I—Oh.” Georgia gasped, and from the corner of my eye, I saw her lift a hand to her mouth. I could have laughed, so comical and clichéd was her enlightenment. “He…?”

  “Took a shine to me, yes.”

  “What exactly does that mean?”

  “Well, see, he’s up for a threesome.” I said it. I said it, in a fucking churchyard on a sunny day with university students nearby and pedestrians and traffic and shoppers in my view. Like it was an ordinary day. “If it’s a true threesome.”

  “Oh. My. What?”

  “Yeah.” Somehow I managed to lift the bottle to my lips and took a sip of Coke. Somehow I kept it down. “A fucking free-for-all,” I muttered.

  “So what? He fancies you?”

  “Ssh! Keep your voice down, would you?” It was the first time in a long time that I’d snapped at her, but when I turned my head, she wasn’t wide-eyed with astonishment. Her lips twitched in what I thought was humor.

  “What, you’re embarrassed? Is it because of where we’re sitting?” Georgia patted my leg with
the affection a dog owner would bestow on a pet. “Given the fact we met here to discuss a threesome in the first place—”

  “No, I’m not embarrassed. I—” And I nearly choked on my own astonishment. I wasn’t. I just…wasn’t.

  “Good. So.” Georgia’s fingers, still on my knee, flinched. “Reece?”

  “I don’t need…” I shifted away from her, and her hand hovered in midair before she lifted it back to her own lap. “I don’t need to get it on with a guy in front of a fucking audience.”

  “That’s exactly what I did with Sarah. Remember? For your birthday.”

  “Jesus, are you expecting me to pimp myself out just so you can have Daniel again?”

  “The guy fancies you. It’s a compliment.” She elbowed me. Gently. “I hardly think he’s gonna force himself on you. If it freaks you out too much, having an audience for the first time you kiss a man, that’s a shame, but—”

  “We didn’t,” I blurted out, and for once I got a reaction out of her.

  “You what?” Her lips twitched, unsure whether to smile or something else. “Didn’t what?” She knew before I told her. Georgia Lawrence wasn’t stupid.

  “We didn’t have an audience.” I wetted my lips and somehow managed to clear my throat. It was a damn miracle, but I looked at her. Right in the eyes.

  “Reece…”

  “When I went round there…” Come on, just say it. It was only a kiss. “He kissed me.”

  “He…?” Slowly Georgia’s eyebrows lifted. “He. Kissed you?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded and looked away. Saying the words had been easier than I’d expected, but the roiling in the pit of my stomach was worse.

  “Bloody hell.”

  “Is it so hard to believe?” I shot back, glancing at her sideways. “A minute ago you were all for it.” Ooh nice one, Hutton. Deflect the attention away from yourself by trying to make it her fault.

  “Yeah, when it was all of us…” Georgia’s voice had a dreamy quality to it, pensive, contemplative, as if she was trying to work out what planet she was on, never mind what was going on between us. “You kissed him back?” She paused. “You kissed him back.” No longer a question. A statement. A realization.