By the Book Read online

  “Daniel.” When I said his name, he lifted his head, his face in shadow. I couldn’t clearly see what I held, but the rough stubble along his jaw against my palms was enough. “I don’t want to say no.” I heard his sharp intake of breath, and his stubble abraded my palms as he turned his head. When his lips made contact with my hand, my fingers twitched.

  “As long as you’re sure.” Daniel paused, and I felt his gaze on me in this half-light. Another intake of breath and he came to life. Pulled my belt open and went for the zip. “Fuck it,” he said in between kisses. “I’m all fingers and thumbs.”

  I could barely believe it. Here we were, in this situation, and Daniel was the nervous one. I took over, kicked off my jeans and shorts, and went for his belt, listening for the inevitable hitch in his breathing at each step along the way. When his belt buckle jingled. When I slipped the belt out of the catch. When I got fed up with taking things slow, hauled his belt loose, and went for his waistband button.

  Jesus, I’m really doing this.

  “Reece.”

  At the sound of my name on his lips, I slowed. Slid down the zip and let my fingers trail over his cock, curving around it through the fabric of his shorts.

  “Jesus.” My word became a hiss of breath as I moved; his breaths, warm waves of air against my face.

  “You’ll make me come if you keep doing that.”

  “Already?” I teased, the smile in my voice almost forcing out a laugh. A nervous one, but a laugh all the same. “But I’m not even touching you.”

  “Doesn’t matter.” He held my wrist to still me.

  “Then what are you going to be like when you’re”—I gulped—“inside me?”

  “Oh fuck.” He shook his head, then leaned in so our foreheads were touching. “Christ, you’ve got no idea. No idea at all.” He slid trembling hands over my hips and walked me backward until my legs hit the bed.

  We fell, or lowered ourselves, ended up lying on top of his covers, Daniel’s kisses more frantic and hotter than before. His hand went to my cock, and he stroked me slowly, just enough to let me know he was there and his last morsels of self-control had decided I wasn’t going to come until he let me.

  “I have been thinking about this,” he whispered in my ear as his hand tightened. “All. Damn. Day.”

  “God. Daniel, you’re gonna make me…”

  “Not yet.” He lifted his hand away, laughing.

  “What?” I tried to lift myself up, but he told me to lie back. The laughter was back in his voice. So too was his confidence. Now that he had me flat on my back and desperate for him to make me come, he knew who was in charge.

  Daniel knelt on the floor, and though I knew what he planned, the way he took his time in going about it sent a shiver up my spine.

  “I want to be inside you so badly.” His voice, little more than a desperate growl, sent a shiver up my spine. “But I have to taste you first. I fucking have to.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, a helpless yes or Jesus or Daniel, but his lips closed around my cock before I could utter a word. No possibility of speech and hardly any of coherent thought.

  I grasped the bedclothes even tighter with each dip of his head, screaming oh fuck yes, just like that inside my mind, silent on the outside but for the occasional attempt at breathing.

  Every time I tensed and tried to pull air into my lungs, Daniel responded with a low moan, which drove me closer to the edge.

  As I threw my head back, my eyes clouded over, either watering with the intensity of what Daniel’s mouth did to me, or with white sparks telling me I was seconds away from losing it.

  “Oh fuck.” So I can speak again. “God, that’s…” But only stuttering pleas for him to never, ever stop. “That’s…”

  His lips tightened as he took more of me in his mouth and just as the way his tongue flickered over my skin got to be too much, just as his hands moved over my hips, just as his thumbs moved back and forth over my hip bones, the room spun around me and I came.

  And said the only word of which I was capable.

  “Daniel.”

  The mattress shifted as Daniel sat on the edge of the bed, hauling off his jeans and shorts.

  Still short of breath, I watched his back, the light from the hall casting shadows below his shoulder blades and down the ridges of his spine as he moved. With each muscular ripple, his wings threatened to unfurl and lift off his back, and though tempted to reach out and lay my palm flat against the lifelike artwork there, I resisted.

  Moving up the bed to lay my head on the pillows, I puffed out a groan and covered my eyes with one hand, the other resting on my abs, rising and falling with each slowing breath.

  “You okay?” Daniel lay beside me, covering that hand with his own.

  “Yeah. Yeah.” I uncovered my eyes again and nodded. “That was…” It didn’t matter that I couldn’t finish the sentence. Daniel had a way of looking at me that assured me there was no need.

  He leaned in to kiss me and whispered, “Well, I sure enjoyed it.” Another kiss before he continued. “I love it when you’re so turned on you can’t speak. I love knowing I do that to you.” The hand over mine slid down to my hip, and he pulled me toward him, let his cock press against my leg.

  And the nerves were still there, despite this wanting.

  He took my hand, guided it to his cock, and groaned when my fingers tightened around him. “Reece.” His voice, no longer flirtatious, sent a frisson of electricity around us, shutting out the rest of the world. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Never more so.” Nervous? Yes. Scared even? Perhaps. But sure.

  Daniel pulled in a breath and shuddered. I wasn’t sure if it was the way I touched him that caused it or his thoughts. “You can say no at any moment.” His trembling lips curved into a smile against my own. “I really hope you don’t.”

  “I won’t say no.”

  His warm breath against my face was a sigh of relief.

  I couldn’t believe I was about to do this. I couldn’t believe I’d ever thought this evening could end in any other way.

  “You’ll be all right,” Daniel said, propping himself up on one arm. “You’re in safe hands.” He drew back and reached for his bedside table. “Fuck, I’ve wanted this for so long.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything before tonight?”

  Daniel stopped what he was doing—rummaging in the drawer—and shrugged. “I thought you’d suspect. And I didn’t want to rush things by putting it into words. Besides,” he added, “I’ve always been bi; I’ve always liked men and women. It was obvious I fancied you from the first time we kissed, I would have thought, but to say ‘hey, let’s fuck’?” He gave a quiet laugh before tearing the foil of the condom wrapper between his teeth, and I shivered. “Would have been a bit too much. We had to go at your speed.”

  He rolled on the condom, and I was too scared in those seconds to even touch him.

  Christ, we’re really going to do this.

  “You remember what I did before? I didn’t hurt you then. I’m not gonna hurt you now.” He reached for the drawer again, retrieved the lube. “Not if I can help it,” he murmured, pouring some lube onto one hand, snapping the bottle shut with the other. He tossed it aside, not appearing to care where it landed, and stroked the lube onto his cock, his lips parting in a near silent gasp. “Jesus.” He reached for me, and I flinched. “What is it?”

  I knew he was anticipating my backing out at any moment, but no way in hell was that going to happen. Not after seeing his shoulder muscles tense as he stroked the lube onto his cock. Not after he looked at me, moistening his lips before biting one nervously.

  “How…” I frowned. Scared of sounding ridiculous. “I don’t…” Jesus, Reece. Why falter now? Third time lucky. I tried again. “How do you want me?” There was laughter in my voice—nervous laughter, but it was there all the same.

  Daniel slipped his arm around my waist. “I’d love to be able to look at you, but it’s probabl
y better for you if you turn over.” The arm around my waist lifted off me as I followed his suggestion, holding me again once I faced away from him.

  “Christ.” The growl of desire implicit in Daniel’s voice faded to a moan. “Are you sure about this?” His cock pressing against my backside should have scared me—should have, but didn’t. “Tell me you’re sure, because…”

  Screwing my eyes shut, I said, “Yes. I am.”

  “I don’t know if I have the self-control to stop now. Fuck.” His fingers tightened on my waist. “Lift your hips up.”

  His weight shifted behind me as he knelt, still with one hand on me. “Are you…” There was a breathlessness to his every word, something way beyond desperation.

  Wonder.

  I flinched again when his cock touched me.

  “All right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll go as slow as I can.” He hissed in a breath. “Just. Relax.”

  I tried to, but nerves and anticipation conspired to threaten tension.

  “Christ, Reece, you should see this. You should…” The head of his cock pressed against me, then pushed, and an inch slid inside, making me gasp, and he stopped. “You okay? Reece?”

  I nodded, realized he probably wouldn’t be able to tell it was something more than a nervous twitch in this light, and tried again to speak. “Yeah. Just go slow.”

  “I will. I will. That’s just the way I like it.”

  I shuddered, a ripple from the base of my spine all the way up to the nape of my neck, and Daniel moved again. Only by the smallest increment, but Jesus, I had no words to describe the feeling.

  “God.” He slid his hands up my back, fingertips digging in anytime either one of us moved, anytime he moved a little deeper.

  At one point I thought, this isn’t gonna happen, and tensed again, and he whispered something I couldn’t make out.

  “Daniel?”

  “Push back against me.”

  I tried it, not wanting to stop or go back, desperate instead for him to—

  “Jesus.” Daniel moved in deeper than I’d expected, deeper than he’d expected given the surprise in that one word. “Reece. Are you?”

  Wide-eyed, startled, I gasped for breath, could only manage a gasp, a “Fuck,” and he pulled back, but I said, “No,” and he froze behind me. “Don’t stop.”

  His fingertips dug into my back, and despite the tension, my nerves, his, he moved again, slow enough not to hurt me. Slow enough to drive himself mad with desperation, judging by how labored his breaths were. The heels of his hands dug into my back as he moved them up to my shoulders, his touch behind me moving as slowly as his touch inside.

  I wasn’t sure which sensation was more intense, but combined, they rendered me incapable of anything more than a quiet moan, a whispered, “Please.”

  “Please what, Reece?” He forced the words out through obviously gritted teeth, shaking with the effort needed to maintain his tenuous self-control. “Please what?”

  His fingertips crept past my shoulder blades, and my eyes watered with the premonition of him grabbing hold of me and—

  “Reece? Please what?”

  “Just…” I gulped back air, realized I was trying to gulp back nerves or embarrassment at talking like this. At wanting him to fuck me harder. Needing him to.

  “Just. Don’t. Stop.” My words must have sounded labored to him, pained even, but he didn’t hurt me. I was new to all this, but God, I’d waited long enough to be fucked that way and didn’t want to wait another second for him to—“Just do it. Just fuck me.”

  “Oh God, Reece, you feel…”

  Every ridge and contour of Daniel’s cock—oh God, Daniel’s fucking me, he’s inside me, Jesus, what the hell took me so long to realize he’s—hit a part of me I never knew existed. I’d waited twenty-eight years to learn what it was like to be fucked into a state of pure, liquefied desperation.

  His fingers moved to the base of my neck, and my spine melted when his cock slid even deeper into me. I’d been expecting pain, or discomfort, but this…

  “Reece, I could fuck you so deep right now, Jesus, you’re…” He groaned as he gripped my shoulders and pulled me toward him. “I can’t wait; I can’t.”

  Hutton, he’s gonna lose it. Do something.

  “Fuck, if you only knew how this felt.”

  Stop him.

  “This is fucking perfect.”

  I don’t want to stop him.

  “God, you’re unbelievable.”

  He’ll hurt you.

  “I want to be all the way inside you.”

  I don’t care. “Fuck me.”

  “What?”

  “Now. Just. Fucking. Do it.” I pushed back against him, gasping at the sensation of being fucked so totally, only aware in that moment of his cock sliding so deep, the fingers on my shoulders flinching as if scared to touch me, the helpless moan he released.

  Daniel’s hand moved up the back of my neck, fingers tangling in perspiration-dampened hair as he pushed himself in deeper, moving only from the hips now. “Are you sure this is okay?” His weight shifted, and somehow he was leaning over me, hot breath on the side of my neck as he growled in my ear, “You want this?”

  “Daniel.”

  “You want this? Reece, if I let go, I’ll…” He moaned, releasing just the slightest bit of tension, dipping his head so the stubble of his jaw scratched my neck.

  “Then…” I was so desperate for him to fuck me at that point I’d have said anything to get him to move more forcefully, but my body took over. I moved against him and forward once more, and though he was behind me, inside me, the gentle rhythm we’d fallen into made it feel like I was fucking him. I moved back; he moaned. I circled my hips and pulled away; he hissed out a barely controlled breath.

  “Jesus, you’re gonna make me come if you—” Daniel’s words ended in a breathy moan when I slammed back against him and cried out myself, more in surprise than discomfort.

  I can do this.

  I am doing this.

  The hand in my hair tightened, his other clasping the bedcovers beside me as he propped himself up. “God, I…” He let go of my hair, needing two hands to hold himself up, but his lips stayed on my neck. Occasionally he broke contact to draw a breath, or try to, but the way his hips forced his cock deeper into me and I didn’t even care because I wanted this so fucking much told me he was seconds away from losing every last vestige of his legendary self-control. “I’m gonna come, Jesus, I can’t wait, I can’t wait, fucking hell, Reece, you—”

  “Then come. Just.” I gritted my teeth, forced my hips back as hard and fast as they’d go, listened for his surprised moan. “Fuck me.” Ah there it is. “Now.”

  “Oh God, oh God, I’m gonna…” Daniel knelt up again, shaking so hard even I felt the trembling reverberating down his spine, his arms, his hands, his fingers. Those fingers dug into my hips as he slammed his cock all the way into me, gave a desperate moan—did you throw your head back, Daniel?—and shuddered as he came.

  Without saying a word, still shaking violently, he half collapsed, half lowered himself onto me, gasping and trying to draw a proper breath.

  It was a few seconds before he was able to say a word.

  “God.” Another labored breath. “That was…” And he kissed my shoulder with a quiet laugh. “Reece. What the hell are you doing to me?”

  My echoing laugh was one of exhilaration and something I couldn’t quite define. “I didn’t do anything. You were the one who fucked me.”

  “And loved every second of it.” Slowly he eased out of me. “I’ll be right back. I’m just gonna take care of this. “Dunno if I’ll be able to walk though,” he added with a laugh, before dropping another kiss on my shoulder. “Don’t go anywhere.”

  “As if.”

  Moments later the mattress shifted and he left the room, leaving me lying on top of his bed, exhausted, tired, and probably bruised where he’d clasped my hips.

  He�
��d been inside me. Daniel Cross had been inside me.

  And now he wasn’t.

  I released a long, slow, heavy breath. Not just any breath, but the sigh of a man who was now somehow other. Though Daniel was no longer inside me or even in the room, I still felt him. He was still here.

  And I’d been marked.

  * * *

  In the morning when Daniel suggested a shower, I thought he referred to both of us, but he grinned and shook his head. “Nah. If I got you in the shower, we’d never get anything else done.”

  At that precise moment, I had trouble articulating why that would be a bad thing.

  But he was right. I’d spent the night with him, but the day called for other matters to be dealt with.

  Even the scalding shower couldn’t ease the tension in my shoulders. The coffee Daniel made helped me wake up, but even after my second mug, something didn’t sit well with me. Though I wore yesterday’s clothes, I was clean. I’d skulled enough caffeine to keep me going for a few more hours.

  “You’ll be all right?” The inflection in his voice made it a question, not an assurance, and I wished someone else could give me that.

  I shrugged. I just didn’t know. “I have a few things to do. Errands to run. Boring shit like that.” Maybe routine tasks were the order of the day. Enough to keep me going, not enough to tax me mentally.

  “Gimme a call later.”

  “Sure.” I nodded.

  Though our good-byes were awkward, every stilted word promised later. This wouldn’t be the last time something happened between us. It’d snowball. I couldn’t stay away from Daniel Cross. Didn’t want to. He was in my head, so why not place myself in his orbit? The damage was done.

  Trotting downstairs in his apartment block, I almost reached for my mobile but forced myself to hold back in case Daniel glanced out the window, saw me talking to someone, and concluded I was talking about him. Not that it mattered all that much. And not that I looked back at his window as I left the block.

  I turned left and headed for the nearest bus stop, wondering what my chances were of flagging down a cab. It was only when I was a safe distance away and round the corner that I gave in and slid open my phone, calling the number I’d had on speed dial for so long.